by Karla
Broken Egohood
As a child, perhaps you tried to create a drawing to impress your parents. Then, you faced a certain form of neglectfulness. You saw your parents being distracted enough with all kinds of responsibilities you would not understand as to pay attention to your newly created masterpiece.
A little older you became, and tried to earn the respect of your favorite teacher, only to find out that perhaps you did not excel in math class. Or your classmates not always felt sympathy for you. You began learning your first steps on how to cope with a world that is not always loving, or understanding of the needs of a child. Very likely you grew up telling to yourself that none of those things mattered that much, that you had to be strong and competitive.
As an adult, you stumbled upon the difficult boss who always complains about “something”. That “something” pertained your performance. You knew somehow you were doing your best effort, and it might not have been acknowledged.
So has been life on Earth for too long. Deep within your subconsciousness you were taught that, in one way or another, you were not good enough for those who surrounded you, and eventually not even for yourself.
Finally, you reached the point in which you embraced the new age spiritual doctrines. What you found in them was that such part of your programming, the part in which you are told that you are not good enough, was reinforced. You were told that your ego is your worst enemy, your bad company, like your guardian devil.
Oh, that damn ego, that gets in your way, that tries to express something that feels negative. So you must encase it, tell it to shut up, to stop getting in the way of your ambitions. You must, at all costs, tell it to stop complaining when you feel discomfort, if someone acts in some way around you, or other situations.
The Road Less Taken
If you shrink your ego, you will reach enlightenment. For enlightenment leads to the feeling of ultimate Oneness. With Oneness, you will never ever feel alone again and you will feel like you found Home in a wave of vast bliss. You will no longer have to deal with a difficult ego, that demands something. Ego is a very bad thing, it is a very evil kid inside of you, or a monster. Or so you were told.
However, if you go very deep within you, and spend time with your ego, you might find that there is a gift that you have not heard too often about in your current spiritual doctrines. The gift is a new understanding of being authentic, of becoming whole within yourself and mostly, something that is rarely taught in the current spiritual movements: self compassion.
Without self compassion, no compassion for others can be born.
We tend to confuse lower levels of empathy for compassion. Refer to the article “Hypersensitivity confused for higher levels of empathy”.
Self compassion is a higher expression of self love. Self love is a journey, a long one that requires the values that we all would love to strive for in our lives to be applied to ourselves with gentleness. Patience is one of them. Think about, for a moment, how many times others were not patient towards you. How many times your own relatives have not been patient towards you.
It is in that lack of patience that the feeling of not being worthy is born. Lack of patience might be seen in the parent, partner, friend or colleague who is always upset or busy, who spends too much time using a technological gadget, or the one who is tired and swamped with homely responsibilities. Other times lack of patience is expressed as aggression.
Egohood as Human Individuality and Oneness as Temporary Relief
It is fundamental to understand that egohood, in a more formal definition, is not the exclusive traits of the individual personality that are perceived as negative, in one way or another. Egohood can be defined to incorporate the capacities and traits that make up the individual personality as a whole, including the ones perceived as positive. You can read wider definitions in the articles: The Concepts and Functions of Egohood and The Consensus Between the Higher Self and the Shadow Self.
First, take the notion on how a soul is born, described briefly in the article Misconceptions of Soulmate/Twin Flame Concepts in the New Age Movements:
“The soul is made up of a mix of often unseen particles. These particles include antimatter and dark matter, which can be dissected to see emanations of photons, electrons and protons and other subatomic particles. Dark matter is the gel-like substance that has not yet been imprinted with soul memories because there have been no physical experiences. Antimatter, on the other hand, is the soul substance that has already been imprinted with experiences in physical. When you are born, you carry a piece of soul of previous incarnations and as you experience life in physical, your soul substance grows with imprinted information. Your aura expands. You can even bring from other lifetimes more soul substance already imprinted.
Your creators in physical are your parents or in bizarre cases those who have played with your DNA through genetic manipulation, while you are the creator of your own soul through your own experiences. As such, you are not only your own creator but also you are a whole individual.”
You can see then why, not only is egohood of utmost importance to the growth of the human being in the material world, but also for the imprinting of the soul as an individual entity or being without a physical body.
As we grow up, we are taught to fill our minds and our hearts with self judgement. Self judgement comes as the expression of internal negative self talk and feelings of guilt, shame, being inadequate and not being acknowledged for our uniqueness.
The fractured parts of our soul that have left our energetic field during traumatic life situations, and negative imprinting since childhood, create a sense of lack of inner wholeness. Specifically, lack of feeling of being at home, of being alienated from the rest of society, and not fitting anywhere are the consequences of soul fragmentation.
These traumatic situations are then replicated indefinitely over countless incarnations. At the moment of our passing from this material world to the non-material realities, the larger portion of our souls travel through multiple densities. Finally, a large portion of it reaches the highest lightest density in which the totality of the energy of the collective of Earth (and the collective of other spaces in Cosmos) resides in a completely enmeshed form.
In this enmeshed form there is absolutely no sense of individual identity. All the soul particles vibrate at a very high frequency were only states of bliss or peace are perceived. In the highest state of peace there is a complete sense of nothingness.
Meanwhile, in the lower realms or lower octaves of non-phisical densities, the soul fragments of each individual soul reside. These are the layers that people perceive as the levels of hell or suffering.
These parts of the individual soul remain stuck indefinitely in these realms of trauma, unless these parts manage to ascend to the protective higher realms. In these states of consciousness the imprints of trauma become inactive and only feelings of wellness in any form are perceived. Then, if these same fragmented parts, for any reason, lower their frequency, the imprints of trauma reactivate.
During our interaction with physical reality, we can tap into the knowledge and state of consciousness of our non-incarnated aspects and fragments. In meditation, we become aware of the highest most merged levels of consciousness that people have often described as “enlightenment”. We retrieve some of that energy and the memory of the experience stays with us. We remove from the massive cloud of enmeshment that part that belongs to us and we become more whole, with a new understanding of existence.
In order to achieve wholeness and the feeling of having found Home, the individual must retrieve all the soul energy from all dimensions, densities and octaves.
However, in many of the current spiritual teachings, along with our programming, we tend to avoid the pain of the parts of us that reside in the lower realms of trauma. We’d rather stick to those experiences that feel good, even blissful. We do not allow full mergings with as many parts of our soul as possible to integrate and heal within us in our current incarnation. As these parts continue staying in lower realms, then they continue bringing our attention in uncomfortable ways in each incarnation and we are unable to release fully our karmic ties to difficult situations. As consequence, we cannot free ourselves and others from the karmic wheel and we are not able to achieve wholeness and self acceptance of our humanity and our soul.
Sometimes, tapping into higher levels of consciousness not only brings the altered states that are often described by many as “enlightening”. Also, parts of us stuck in lower realms are forced to become integrated. This is not always the case, but at least partially, it is a natural process. Hence, the typical “ascension symptoms” and continuous mental, emotional and physical roller- coasters.
Over time, the more we accept all parts of ourselves, including the ones that make up what people call “ego”, we allow ourselves to experience a smoother transition to a more dignifying life in physical. Our home becomes our inner sanctuary and we attract more loving situations.
The more we retrieve our energies from the massive collective consciousness in higher realms and the more we embrace the difficult parts of us that suffer and need our love and acceptance, the more we can feel and express inner bliss in physical. There is less need to tap into temporary enlightening experiences. Tapping into such temporary bliss in which we feed ourselves with the energies of the collective at that level, only leave us wondering why, after feeling the Oneness, we end up feeling again incomplete, alone and alienated.
It is not always the massive enmeshment with the collective what we seek, even less to subjugate our individuality and personal will to become “egoless”. Instead, our soul as a whole craves our self acceptance as loving authentic balanced individuals. Once we achieve that inner wholeness with all parts of ourselves, in all timelines and spacelines, in all incarnations in the now moment, we become love and bliss itself in a physical body that radiates light by itself. Far from becoming egoless, we evolve into a state of healthy individual egohood, connected by loving threads of light to the hearts of other individuals and Earth itself. We know that we belong everywhere, any time and we feel it from inside.
Karla Damarelya is an artist, healer and researcher in the area of natural resource management.
She began her awakening process through the vivid experiences of feeling and knowing the interconnectedness of individuals at the soul level since 2006 and the depth of harmony and disharmony in human relationships. Since then, having studied some basic healing methods, psychology and some notions from social and natural sciences, and amassed knowledge through her own spiritual practices, she has gained a greater understanding of the fundamental contribution of these disciplines and their deficiencies in trying to address individual and collective problems if we only approach them through the lenses of one or a few of these disciplines.
Instead, through a combination of disciplines she finds the inspiration to write about some of our ancient and modern individual and collective dilemmas, problems and lessons.
